Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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