wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
