remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
