i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
