Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
