tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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