dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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