Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
