She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
