I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
