I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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