he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
