Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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