Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
