just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
