Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
