if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize