Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
