I accidentally had phone sex last night
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Randomize
