I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
