You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
