mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
