Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
