My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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