i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
