Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
