so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
