She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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