I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
