We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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