My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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