I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
