Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
