he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize