i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I wish there were birth control emojis
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize