2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
