Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
