I hope mine doesn't look like that
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
