What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
