My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
