Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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