I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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