I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
