College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you had me at cake vodka
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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