Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
