Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
