Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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