VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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