Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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