My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize