Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The power of my boobs compel you
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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