u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
