dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
two words: eviction party
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
