I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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