Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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