While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
