it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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