He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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