and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
