guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
