i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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